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About Turin

Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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So, I hit up the local market on Via Cavour. Fresh produce, right? I’m all about that life. But then, I saw this lady arguing with the vendor over some tomatoes. Like, chill out, lady! They’re just tomatoes! But she was all like, “These are too ripe!” I couldn’t help but laugh. I mean, who gets that worked up over tomatoes?

Tao Geoghegan Hart wins 2020 Giro d'Italia